I had a rough work week this past week for my outside-of game dev work with a lot of unrealistic deadlines.
At some point during my break, I started looking into work meltdowns to try and reassure myself that it's really not as bad as it seems. For those that don't know, I went through a meltdown of my own a few years ago and quit the software job I was at at the time. It was a toxic restrictive (physically and mentally) environment and I should have left more gracefully. One of my biggest regrets.
Anyway, one of the stories in particular was about a teacher who lost it and made their kids run less than 7 minute miles. And it took me back to when I was at middle school. I had this mis-aligned thought from my time in elementary school that I can just coast on by with A's because I was the smartest, 6th grade hit and I felt stupid. Couldn't figure out the math problems and challenges I thought was so easy in elementary school, and rather than try and learn, I gave up. It extended to my competitive nature in physical education. I tried really hard to be the fastest person, and got 6 minute miles, and by the end of the year I didn't care any more and just walked.
This sense of not trying and mediocrity lasted me throughout college, really. Rather than strive for A's, I tried to calculate what the minimum I needed to get to pass. It wasn't until I started developing Selatria where I got that drive back that I lost in 6th grade.
If you're reading this somehow and you felt like the smartest person in the class going into 6th grade and suddenly feel stupid and embarrassed that you're not. I feel you. I've been there. Don't give up and don't be afraid to ask for help. No one will care or remember you asking a question down the line and it's OK to struggle a bit.
Just don't give up like I did.
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